Building & Nurturing Healthy Relationships

In ministry, we often pour energy into refining our messages, building systems, or growing platforms. And while those things matter, they don’t sustain us. Relationships do. At the core of every thriving church, team, or ministry leader is the ability to build strong, authentic connections. Without them, burnout is inevitable and impact is short-lived.

Ministry is deeply personal. It’s walking with people through joy and sorrow, working through conflict, and doing life together in the tension of grace and truth. And yet, many leaders feel relationally depleted, misunderstood, or isolated.

This post isn’t about tips for being more likable or socially polished. It’s a call back to the foundational practices that cultivate healthy, Christ-centered relationships—relationships that will sustain your calling, strengthen your teams, and shape the culture you lead.

Let’s look at ten practical ways to grow in relational health in ministry.

1. Honor and Honesty

This one sets the stage for everything else.

I first encountered this concept in Jay Stringer’s book Unwanted, and it’s stuck with me ever since. In scripture, Jesus is described as being full of both truth and grace—not one or the other. And I believe healthy relationships require that same balance.

Too much honor without honesty? We stay silent to keep the peace, even when we’re hurt.
Too much honesty without honor? We become harsh, cutting people down in the name of “being real.”

Healthy relationships require both. We speak the truth with love, and we honor others with integrity, even when it’s hard.

2. Humility in Admitting Wrong

Let’s be real—this one’s tough.

I’ve been in ministry for nearly two decades, and I’ve had moments I’m not proud of. There was a season toward the end of my time on staff at a church where I let pride and frustration affect not just my relationship with the senior pastor but with other staff members as well.

By God’s grace, I was convicted. And I had a choice: bury it and move on, or own it and make it right. I chose to humble myself, apologize, and seek reconciliation.

Admitting you're wrong doesn’t make you weak—it makes you trustworthy.

3. Walk in Integrity

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 78:72:

"And David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them."

Integrity means aligning your actions with your values—especially when no one’s watching. In leadership, it means not asking others to do what you’re unwilling to do yourself.

I’ve learned that the quickest way to damage trust in a relationship is by leading without integrity. If you’re not practicing what you preach, people will see right through it.

4. Kill Insecurity

Comparison is a relationship killer.

Galatians 6:4 says, “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.”

When we allow insecurity to take root, we begin to compete with those we’re meant to collaborate with. I’ve seen it play out—sometimes even in myself—and it never ends well.

Your unique calling is not a mistake. You don’t have to be someone else. You just need to be fully you, walking confidently in how God made you.

5. Relieve the Tension

Here’s a picture that helped me recently: relationships are like rubber bands. If you keep pulling, stretching, and holding tension—eventually, something’s going to snap.

Coming off a sabbatical, my coach helped me realize that sometimes, we have to choose the relationship over the need to be right.

That hit me hard.

Even if I was right in a disagreement, clinging to that “rightness” didn’t serve the relationship. It created unnecessary tension. And honestly, if I had just released the rubber band—let go of my pride—I could’ve helped bring healing instead of division.

Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is to let go of the need to be right and lean into reconciliation.

6. Building Trust

I was on sabbatical for three months summer of 2023. During that time, I had goals, I had a life coach I was meeting with weekly, and he gave me some books to read. One of those books was Canoeing the Mountains by Tod Bolsinger. The subtitle is Christian Leadership in Uncharted Territory. There's a chapter in there—Chapter 5—where he talks about preparing for the unknown.

But what really jumped out at me, and what actually sparked this whole conversation on building and nurturing healthy relationships, was something he said about building trust.

Here’s what he writes:

“Trust comes from the congruence of leaders repeatedly doing what we say.”

Doesn’t that sound a lot like integrity? Doing what you say, modeling what you ask of others. He continues:

“When we are experienced as congruent, trust goes up. When we are incongruent—when our words don’t match our actions—trust goes down.”

He expands on this with a concept called relational congruence, which he defines as:

“The ability to be fundamentally the same person with the same values in every relationship, in every circumstance, and especially amidst every crisis.”

Powerful, right? He says it’s about cultivating strong, healthy, caring relationships while maintaining boundaries, clearly communicating expectations, and staying focused on the mission. That is how you build trust.

7. Engaged in Meaningful Work Together

This one was a late addition, but it’s so important: we need to be engaged in meaningful work together.

Bolsinger makes a compelling point in Canoeing the Mountains when he says:

“People must be engaged in meaningful work together if they are to transcend individual concerns and develop new capacities.”

Then he adds—and this hit me hard:

“The trust needed to bring organizational transformation in a changing context is not built sitting in a circle. It's not built in bull sessions, ropes courses, or over drinks. Not even in Bible studies or small groups. Those may create connections or friendships, but only meaningful work together develops the kinds of relationships that will endure into uncharted territory.”

Wow. Relationships that endure are built through the work, not around the work. That’s why serving on a team, launching a ministry, or tackling a hard season together can forge a bond like few other things can.

8. One Another

Let’s talk about “one another.” This phrase took on new meaning for me during a really difficult season at a previous church. I won’t name names—for the sake of honor and honesty—but I was struggling in a relationship within the church. There was real tension.

I reached out to a pastor I looked up to, and he brought up this idea of “one another.” He reminded me how often that phrase appears in Scripture. So I did a little digging.

“One another” comes from the Greek word allelon, meaning mutually, reciprocally—each other. It’s used over 100 times in the New Testament, with around 59 of those being direct commands for how we are (or aren’t) supposed to treat one another.

Here are just a few:

• Love one another (John 13:34 – used at least 16 times)

• Honor one another above yourselves

• Live in harmony with one another

• Build up one another

• Be like-minded

• Accept one another

• Admonish one another

• Care for one another

And then there are the “don’ts”:

• Do not lie to one another (Colossians 3:9)

• Stop passing judgment (Romans 14:13)

• Do not provoke or envy each other (Galatians 5)

• Do not slander one another (James 4:11)

In my situation, I brought in a counselor because I valued the relationship with my pastor. I truly believed the lead pastor–worship leader relationship is one of the most important ones in the church. But that meeting didn’t go well. I got a list of things I needed to work on (and I did), but there was no mutual effort. No reciprocation. No one another.

So eventually, the relationship fractured. But before I left, I made sure to own my part and seek forgiveness. I wanted to walk away with a clear heart. Because that’s what it means to live out “one another.”

9. Play

If you can’t have fun with someone, if you can’t play together, then it’s going to be hard for that relationship to stay healthy long term.

This isn’t just about being goofy or lighthearted—it’s about enjoying one another’s company, creating shared joy, and letting that strengthen the bond between you. Whether it’s co-workers, your team, your spouse, your kids… if there’s no fun, eventually the relationship can feel like just business. Like roommates, not partners.

Play brings levity. It restores humanity to the hard work we do. And honestly, it’s often the glue that keeps people coming back—because they enjoy being together.

10. Pray

Last but not least: pray.

How often do we get to the end of our rope in a relationship—whether it’s a spouse, a team member, a friend, or a family member—and prayer is the last thing we try?

I’ve been convicted by this recently. We say things like, “Well, all we can do now is pray,” when in reality, prayer should be the first thing we do. Prayer invites God into the relationship. It invites healing, perspective, and humility.

Maybe you have a relationship right now that’s tense, broken, or even feels irreparable. Maybe you’ve tried everything else. But have you truly taken it to the Lord? Have you prayed for that person? Not just about them, but for them?

Because at the end of the day, this whole conversation—yes, even on a worship leader podcast—comes down to this: we were created for relationship. First with God, then with one another.

Final Thoughts

So what’s your takeaway today?

Out of these 10 points, where are you strong—and where do you need to grow?
Take inventory. Pray. Reflect. And then do something with it.

Healthy relationships don’t happen by accident. They are built and nurtured intentionally.

Thanks for joining me today. It’s always an honor to walk this journey with you.
God bless your week—and God bless your relationships.